When Chad and I discussed trying for a baby, I was elated, to say the least. We decided to start trying in December of 2005. Now let me just state for the record that I had a very unrealistic and immature view of how long it would take for us to get pregnant. When in January, I realized I was not pregnant, I basically could have been admitted to the funny farm for temporary insanity. I doubted the health of Chad's virility (something you never do to a man, I have come to find out), I doubted my ability to carry a child and worst of all, I doubted God's plan for our family. Yes, after one month of trying, I doubted everything......I told you I should have been wrapped in a strait jacket and shipped away. I'd like to say I was young and stupid, but I was 28 years old so basically I was just stupid. I should have known better. There are so many families that try for months and months, even years to have a child and I was despondent that I was not pregnant after ONE month. Boy, did I have a lot to learn.
After long talks with Chad, comforting me (while secretly asking himself what he got himself into, I am sure!) and being very gentle with me, I realized that it was not in my hands, but in the Lord's. I can try to plan my life to a tee, but what actually happens in my life is not able to be controlled by me. It is really up to the big man upstairs. I needed to let go and put my worries, cares and burdens on Him. I needed to relax. I needed to stop being crazy. :)
So in February, I felt like it was repeat of January. I felt cramping and basically sad that I most likely was not pregnant. But, I decided to get a pregnancy test anyway, just to put closure on things so I could move my hope to the next month's try. Imagine my surprise, nestled on the toilet seat of the Comcast bathroom, watching two pink lines gradually appear before my very eyes, where so many times before only one resided. The rest of the day, I hid the stick in my drawer at work and looked at it constantly. I was so happy that people probably thought I was on drugs. I felt heat surging through me. I was shaking and felt tingling all over. It is interesting how news can effect your body, especially wonderful news!
Some people tell their significant others about their pregnancy in creative ways. I thought about that, but was so excited that as soon as Chad came home, I accosted him with the news and the multiple test sticks! So we began the journey into parenthood, a blessing that we could not imagine!!! :) God taught me to be patient and that I needed to relinquish control to Him, in all things. Little did I know that I would need to do much more of that in the weeks to come. More on that in part 2.
No comments:
Post a Comment