Wednesday, December 7, 2011

complete and utter ramblings of a strung out woman

angel tree....what an awesome idea!  give gifts to kids who have parents in prison.  they must have it hard and the tag from the angel tree instructions says that they wouldn't have a christmas if it weren't for us giving.  so i took a tag off the tree and it was from patricia who was 12 years old and asked for a bible and a concordance.  not an ipod, not a toy...a bible.  amazing.  puts things in perspective.  know what else puts things in perspective?  when i think the date to hand in the gifts is on dec 9th when it is actually dec 4th and on dec 5th, i realize this and have no gift yet.  i was racked with guilt and sadness and my stomach was in knots...little patricia is going to have no christmas because i am a freaking bonehead.  luckily there were other boneheads that forgot too so i rushed out and got little patricia her gifts.

facebook.....lordy lordy i have a love.hate relationship with it.  i love hearing updates on friends and family and it has connected me with so many people i wouldn't ordinarily see or be in contact with.  plus, it is a means of communication for me and friends.  BUT, i feel like i get sucked into a trap....the trap of who is better than mothering, at wifedom, at being a human being.  i compare myself to everyone and leave facebook daily thinking i suck at life.  my fault completely, but a trap i fall into and i want to leave facebook behind.

clothes....just to tell everyone i know who has seen me multiple times in the last few months, yes....i do know i wear the same black yoga pants pretty much every day (i have multiple pairs).  it is because i no longer fit in my jeans and pants (they fall off my flat butt) and i refuse to buy any that are my current size because my current size will be bigger come the holidays.  i have a weakness for holiday cookies....i admit it.  give me some snowball cookies and i have ZERO self control.  i don't even remember eating them or who i am afterwards.  it is a sin...literally, it is called gluttony and admit fully to it.

age....when the heck did i get to be 34?  how in the world did that possibly happen?  and how in the world did it become uncool to dance the night away to 'footloose' at a wedding?  34 years old.  the sad part is, when i see old people try to do stuff they can't do anymore because of their oldness, i realize that is me!  i laugh when chad tries to fit into tiny hiding places when we play hide and seek with the kids, but my head, i still feel 18 years old too!  i just need to embrace the wrinkles, the mom jeans, the awkward dancing....all of it.

evolution....i don't believe in it.  call me crazy.  evolutionists say that we came from a big bang in space.  by chance.  a tiny single cell organism came to be human beings over millions of years.  that would mean there is no creator.  matter must be eternal.  there is not purpose to life, only coincidences.  i just can't buy into that.  i believe there is a creator, and that is God.  i believe God does have a purpose for my life, for every one's life.  i believe that He gave us His only Son to die on the cross for our sins and that leads us to heaven to be with God and Jesus.  I believe that God protected eli when i was pregnant and almost lost him.  i believe that God wants to me to be home with my children even if that means being poor.  i believe that i want His plan for my life because He sees all and knows all and knows what is best for me.  i believe i was created and knit together in my mother's womb for a purpose, not by chance, not by coincidence and not my mistake.  call me crazy.

ok, enough of my ramblings....